When Anxiety and Low Self-Esteem Work Together

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When Anxiety and Low Self-Esteem Work Together

I often sit with people who say things like:

“I’m constantly overthinking. I can’t switch off.” “I feel like I’m always letting people down.”“Even when something goes well, I still feel like a fraud.”

There’s usually a quiet theme underneath: I’m not good enough. That voice can be subtle. When it’s there, anxiety is often not far behind.

The Loop

Anxiety and low self-esteem are closely linked. One feeds the other.

When we feel unsure of ourselves; our worth, our place in the world, it’s easy for anxiety to take hold. We start second-guessing decisions, bracing for things to go wrong, and taking on blame when they do.

It can feel like being on constant alert, without knowing exactly what you’re defending against.

Sometimes it shows up as people-pleasing. Sometimes as perfectionism; trying to avoid any risk of judgment or failure. Sometimes it’s withdrawing, not wanting to take up space.

Personal Reflection

I’ve noticed in myself how people-pleasing often shows up when I’m feeling uncertain or stretched thin. There’s this quiet drive to try harder, get everything just right, and the overthinking that follows can feel endless. Underneath it all is a familiar whisper: I’m not good enough. It’s exhausting, and for a long time, I didn’t realise how much energy I was pouring into proving my worth, instead of simply accepting myself as I am.

Becoming aware of these patterns has been a slow, gentle process of learning to offer myself the same kindness I would give a client or a friend. It’s a reminder that these feelings don’t mean we’re failing; they’re part of the human experience.

You’re Not Broken

If this feels familiar, you’re not alone. These patterns often form early — shaped by relationships, culture, and experiences. They make sense. They’re adaptations we’ve learned to survive, not flaws.

Things can begin to shift with curiosity and compassion, not through fixing, but through understanding.

A Different Way

Therapy can offer space to explore, to untangle old stories, to hear that inner voice and gently ask where it came from.

Sometimes we begin responding differently.

That might mean pausing before automatically apologising. Or noticing the “I’m useless” thought and asking — Whose voice is that, really?

Even small moments of awareness can feel like a turning point. With time, they gather strength.

If You’re in This Space

Whether you’re in it now or recognising parts of yourself from the past, you’re not failing. You’re human. Naming these patterns is already a powerful first step.

If you’re navigating this and want support, you’re welcome to reach out.

And if not, just know that you’re seen.

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